While enjoying being stuck at home with the kids, I'm utilising my rapid typing skills to voice my hair-raising and stress-testing joyous parenting experiences. It tricks me into thinking I'm actually conversing with real grown up adults and not just mini-me's. This all happens in-between the epic struggle I wage with Miss7 over who most convincingly pulls off the illusion that they are a Miss25 - her, or me. Usually her.
I’m super fast on a keyboard. I could transcribe your grandmother’s mother's old handwritten recipes into electronic format. I could type up all those irritating post-it-notes that seemed like a good idea at the time, but are now losing their stickiness and keep falling in your coffee.
I make a mean profiterole. I could be your office tea lady. Complete with hair net, slight limp, and gaudy apron, referring to everyone as Love or Pet.
I’m a complete pro at the surface clean. I could save you big $$ on office cleaners, because the barely adequate wipe and sweep they do in a few hours, I can do in 15 minutes - while refereeing any infantile disputes between co-workers (verbal and/or physical), and preparing a nutritious afternoon snack.
I have an excellent phone manner. No really, I do. #1 Hubby and my own mother have called me at work and asked to speak to me, not realising I’m using my phone voice. If you're a bit over dealing with the public, I will do it for you. Pleasantly and politely. You're welcome.
I can talk under water. Probably not literally. But you never know. If you are bored, lonely, work in a solo environment, work best with background noise – I can help.
I can write under water. Probably not literally. But you never know. I will find the humour in anything, and then exploit it to within an inch of its life. Need to fluff up an official document and make it longer? I'm really good at that too.
I'm all about the details. I have been known to read through magazines and newspapers, highlighter in hand, circling spelling and grammar errors. I could be that kind of picky for you and your business too. What a treat, right?
I'm enthusiastic (that's the best possible description I can give it). I can spruik your brand to anyone and everyone. If it’s something I believe in, I will tell the world. And I take direction very well, so if you're after something a little less vocal, then I can do professional too. Unless you do literally want me to tell the world. In which case, you've come to the right place. Otherwise I also do refined and professional. Really.