Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure.
Most commonly, love refers to a feeling of a strong attraction and emotional attachment.
Love is considered to be both positive and negative, with its virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection, as “the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another” and its vice representing human moral flaw, akin to vanity, selfishness, amour-propre, and egotism, as potentially leading people into a type of mania, obsessiveness or codependency.
There are some key keys to a loving marriage or relationship that will bring you more love. Communication in marriage is more important than anything that can make or break a relationship. All of us have a deep desire to be heard and understood. This need is essential, but it can sometimes hinder our ability to hear and understand our partner, especially during heated moments.
After many decades of marriage, I’ve learned that keeping my mouth shut and ears open greatly helps me create rich and strong communication.
My husband and I had a long conversation years ago in which he shared something about his day and how it affected him. I listened, then replied in a way that led us to a different topic than the one he had started. He abruptly turned to me and said, “It always comes down to you, doesn’t it?”
I didn’t realize until then that I had accidentally cut him off. Although it may have hurt at that time, I learned a valuable lesson from him, and he was correct.
Once I got over the hurtful feeling, a lightbulb went off in my head and heart. My unconscious tendency to dominate our conversations was what I knew was limiting our relationship. This habit prevented me from truly understanding and appreciating my husband, whom I claimed to love the most.
Sometimes, we are too busy with our own lives to make room for the people we love. We often fail to understand and appreciate the messages of others when we talk or are intent on sharing our ideas and opinions. This means we miss out on the opportunity to learn from the thoughts and insights of the other person.
How do you communicate effectively in a relationship?
Ask yourself: “Am I competing to be heard?”
I often tell clients that if they don’t feel heard, they aren’t listening. There is a lot of objection. They respond by saying, “Don’t you deserve to be heard?” Or “Why should you listen to someone who doesn’t want to listen to me?” Does this seem like an absurdity? But, understanding another person is impossible if we don’t listen to their thoughts, feelings and opinions.
It takes mindfulness, self-control and patience to get it right the first time. Sometimes I had to bite my tongue to remind myself to be quiet. There is an endless stream of ideas pushing me to speak. But if I don’t, the rewards are amazing, and the mental and emotional intimacy is very satisfying. It doesn’t matter what we do, and it gets easier.