Poor boundaries can lead to dependency and unhappy couples, no matter how long you have been married or just six months. Healthy boundaries are essential to a happy and healthy relationship.
We often view boundaries as something that makes people feel uncomfortable or pushes them away. Healthy boundaries are essential for happiness. They are what define us and what is important in our lives. There is too much drama without them. Boundaries are essential for creating a harmonious relationship.
Your interactions as a couple can lead to friction, fighting, and even blow-ups. The lack of boundaries can lead to emotional volcanoes in your marriage and relationship.
Scientists have shown that earthquakes can be caused by sudden slips of faults when pressure exceeds friction. This unpredictable and dangerous pressure can be caused by unresolved conflicts, simmering resentment, and unresolved emotions. If your conflicts don’t lead to greater understanding, pressure builds and can also cause damage to your love connection.
Healthy boundaries are a difficult skill to master. But, it is often difficult for individuals to feel respected and appreciated in a relationship without them. Often, disagreements can turn into fights and cause divisions that undermine the unity of understanding.
What are personal boundaries?
Every person is unique, and each one has its boundaries. A boundary is our self-perception. It is the place where we see ourselves and the world. Personal boundaries are what define us. Without them, there would not be any individuality.
Let’s suppose that a crystal glass is a healthy container for our self-image. It is transparent and solid, so there is very little distortion of the world. The container is both beautiful and serves a useful purpose. The glass is strong and can withstand water. This glass can be compared to a person’s boundaries. It has a strong sense and understanding of itself. They have a strong sense of self, holding their emotions and regulating them effectively.
Healthy boundaries protect their principles, values, and preferences. The person who knows their limits and takes reasonable risks is a boundary-setter. They can set clear boundaries and achieve their goals with consistency. Life is easy when there’s confidence. Even though there are challenges, they know when to say no to take care of themselves. They also know when they can say “yes” and when they have more energy and time to give freely and lovingly.
Imagine a second container, like a regular kitchen strainer. It might have lots of holes and be a bit worn. This second container is for someone who has a poor or unclear boundary. Their energy leaks from all sides. They are attracted to urgent needs, but not necessarily the most important. They are easily drained by greedy and needy people who give without boundaries. We are at the mercy of the world when we don’t have personal boundaries.
People who don’t care about boundaries are often people pleasers. They often fulfill the needs of others, which causes them to feel dissatisfied inside. Because they don’t know how or where to set boundaries, their basic needs compete with those around them. People who don’t have boundaries cannot find fulfillment and peace, and irritation and resentment become their constant companions.
It is possible to have too strict boundaries. The edge is not a place for giving and taking but a hardened and unforgiving boundary. They can make unreasonable demands, and if they don’t get along with them, they will have emotional tantrums. Uncompromising boundaries that do not consider the needs of others are more like barriers or walls of protection. These boundaries are not a refuge for self-compassion but rather a place to hide from unresolved hurt.
What are Relationship Boundaries and How Do They Work?
The rules for engagement in a relationship are known as the relationship boundaries. The interaction between our boundaries and our partners creates a result, whether it is good or bad. Even though we don’t see our connection, we are bound to one another in unhealthy or healthy ways.
Personal boundaries show where one person begins and ends. Healthy boundaries allow us to identify what is important in our lives and help us know where we stand. These boundaries help us understand how we would like to be treated in a romantic relationship. This differentiation is essential to avoid enmeshment or dysfunctional helping, leading to many problems such as the boundaries between individuality and codependency.
A person who doesn’t have healthy boundaries will feel pulled in many directions and out of balance. People who lack healthy boundaries often feel used.
My first marriage was my worst experience. I was a constant pleaser and had no boundaries. My entire life revolved around being a people pleaser and a dysfunctional helper. As a result, my life was filled with anger, frustration, and the need to be a good helper. Why? Because I was always last and had no energy or time to recharge myself. I often wondered, “When will it be mine?” It would be my turn to self-care, achieve my goals, and exercise.
One day, I was driving along a gravel road when another driver stopped me. I can remember thinking, with anger and disdain: “What do they want?” It was almost as if everyone was a taker, demanding something from me. I did not want anything, but the driver wanted something. He pointed out that my muffler was almost gone! How could I alter this act of kindness?
It was clear that my quality of life would not improve unless I did something new. It was my choice. But I was unnerved that I had created life on sacrifice, and my boundaries were as weak as Cheetos eaten by a hungry teenager.
How to set boundaries in your relationship and why healthy relationships always have boundaries?
Healthy boundaries are key to long-lasting love. It will amaze you how quickly healthy boundaries can improve the quality of your relationships. There are many benefits, too many to list. Here are some that I have seen in my marriage and those of my clients:
- Mutual respect grows.
- When each person’s needs and wants are considered, love blossoms more.
- Every person brings their best self to the relationship, strengthening the bond.
- Understanding and closeness are better than resentment or repetitive arguments.
- Each person and relationship experience an increase in energy and vitality.
- Individually, inner peace can be improved.
- The relationship will be more open and fun if there is more ease and light-heartedness.
- Autonomy fosters stronger and more healthy bonds.